I can't hang.

I can't hang. I've come to grips with it. Ok, not completely, but I'm trying. You see, I'm terribly competitive. (I guess these last few posts have become confession for me!) I want, so badly, to be the very best at every little thing I do. Not do the best I can, but be the best. It has severely limited my willingness to do and try new things over my lifetime. In junior high, I'd try out for and make the basketball team (even though I truly suck that sport), but then quit after yearbook photos were taken, because I hated losing but didn't want anyone to think I didn't make the team. Yep. True story. Confessions of a poor loser. I've, unfortunately, begun to live vicariously through my daughter as well. Sweet thing doesn't have a competitive bone in her body, unless Mother of the Year forces it upon her. I honestly think that is why God chose gymnastics as her gift- so her mom would be just clueless enough that she couldn't really be the insane bleacher mom! Anyhow, I digress.

Hubs and I took the Dave Ramsey challenge about a year and a half ago. We started out rocking and rolling and then we hit a bit of a standstill. We've eliminated credit card debt, function on cash only, cut ridiculous costs like cable from our lives, and yet we still weren't making any progress on our big debts- student loans (Holy hell! Whose brilliant idea was it to live on those bad boys through 2 post-graduate degrees!? THIS GIRL!), B's truck, and our home. One of the premises of Dave's challenge is that tithing is a priority (check!) and that you "go after it with gazelle-like intensity." In other words, work at eliminating debt, saving for retirement/college, etc. like any insane competitor (i.e. me!) would. So you'd think this would be right up my alley, and in many ways it is.

But the hardest part is one of the other cornerstones of the Dave Ramsey plan- "live like no other, so that you may someday live like no other." (or something like that) I have a REALLY hard time living like no other. I want to go to happy hour every time I'm invited. I want to go on fancy skip trips (really badly!), and throw parties for every occasion. I want to wear all the best clothes, and for my kids to be trend-setters. I would really love a fancy pool in my backyard, a 4-door Jeep AND a Camaro AND a new Suburban. I want to eat out whenever we feel the urge, and I don't want to worry about money at all. I live in a pretty fancy little world, all my own! The truth is, I want to live just like this world tells us we should live. But that is absolutely NOT how am I called to live as a Christan, and not how I am called to live if we ever intend to live debt-free.

As of 2013, we've hit the ground running. We are back to being or have become menu-planning, family-meeting, advanced-planning, grocery budget-cutting, soon-to-be-farming/gardening, happy hour-turning down, anniversary-trip cancelling, blah, blah, blah FOOLS! It's been painful to say the least. But, a year from now (or maybe a little longer), I look forward to being the party-throwing, happy hour-hosting, ski trip-planning, clothes-buying, blah, blah, blah FOOL that I look so forward to being.

What does it look like on paper?
*Return to tithing. We've found a new church home, and we look forward to tithing to the mission of that church.
*We don't do it if it isn't on the family calendar at least a week in advance. (discussed at our weekly family meeting)
*We stick to the menu, plain and simple, and spend as little as possible on outside costs.
*We're committed to keeping our home clean and clutter-free, and we'll sell anything we don't need.
*Debit cards are out of the wallets. If we need it badly, there must be time to go home and fetch our cash envelopes.
*And, we're cutting costs anywhere we can and budgeting for expenses that we choose to prioritize.

So, for a while, I really can't hang. I can't hang because I'm choosing my family. I can't hang because I'm choosing not to live with my eye on this world. I can't hang because I didn't have it on the family calendar. I can't hang because I'm not willing to spend $5 on a drink when that's an entire meal for my family. And I can't hang because even if it means I'm alienating myself and I'm insanely jealous of all the fun you're off having, I'm choosing to look forward to the better which is on the horizon.